Hiring is Just Dating. But Worse.
You don’t have a hiring problem. You have a wiring problem.
You think you're hiring help, but somehow... you're just hiring headaches.
And if you’ve told yourself it’s because:
Gen Z sucks
Work-from-home employees suck
Everyone sucks
…(I hand you a mirror, dramatically) it might be time to re-evaluate.
Just like you spent all of college dating the same problem in a different body, now your hiring is being guided by your wiring—like it or not.
You thought you broke your type when you leveled up from guys-with-motorcycles to guys-with-Mercedes. But your psyche is sharper than that. She’ll happily replay the same script—just with Brooks Brothers instead of biker gear.
Here are some common hiring patterns my entrepreneur clients struggle with:
You Hire: The Shiny Flake.
Big, sparkly personality. Endless potential. A no-brainer hire—they shone above the crowd. (Even your Zoom screen sat up straight when they popped into the interview.)
Then? You slowly realize all that charm is cover for “You didn’t actually expect me to work, right?” You double down on them anyway—because they could be amazing. If you just fix them, just make them care a little more—about the work, about you—then everything will BE PERFECT.
Except… they’re already onto the next thing. You keep trying to focus their big bright energy back on you–I mean the job, the job–where it belongs. The Slack light is green, but they’re filming another personal IG story, oblivious.
Core Wound: It’s not a fluke that you chase flakes. Deep down, your wiring says that if you can finally get someone like them to stay, it’ll prove that you were worth sticking around for all along.
You Hire: The Injured Puppies.
So sweet. So kind! Looking up at you with those big eyes in the interview, gushing over how lucky they feel that you even took the time to meet with…little old them.
But soon? You’ve gone from Boss to Babysitter. You’re part therapist, part big sis, and part resentful each time payroll goes through. Yes, she needed three mental health days last week, and took another Tuesday afternoon to “breathe and cry,”—but it’s not her fault. She just has a LOT going on right now.
This will pass, you tell yourself, right as the text comes through, Gonna be late, car won’t start again, lol mercury retrograde! 🤣
Deep breath. Someday you’ll save her from the 3-Crises-a-Week life. She just needs your help. And face it: you’re wired perfectly for this.
Core Wound: You don’t just help, you need to help. It defines you. It’s your cause, your calling…your curse. Your house is the one with the trail of rescue animals and broken people lined up at the door. While I was telling you this, you helped an armadillo cross the street.
You Hire: The Almost-There Employee.
She really does try. You can’t say she doesn’t. Yes, every project needs rounds of corrections. Yes, every email has typos and every social post has mistakes. She forgot to file that tax form and she locked herself out of Slack again. But she means well.
You, meanwhile, are a human Dustbuster, trailing behind her, fixing three mistakes at a time. You’re stuck in micro-manager mode because honestly? What choice do you have?
Core Wound: Flashbacks to single-handedly carrying every group project? Thought so. People were not dependable for you early on, and you keep proving the lesson again and again by subconsciously hiring… undependable people. And if someone did show up who could take the reins? You'd probably short-circuit.
How to Break the Cycle (Without Another Hire Smarter! Workshop)
1. Hire Against the Type That Lights You Up.
If someone feels like ✨magic✨ in the interview—charismatic, dynamic, so much potential—pause.
You might be drawn to that familiar energy–and not truly evaluating the candidate.
Instead, force yourself to hire the boring-but-consistent one. The one you might describe as a little stiff, not as exciting, or lacks personality. They might be shockingly... good at their job.
Hard as hell. But worth it.
2. Identify Your Global Employee Complaint & Turn It Inward.
If you find yourself saying All employees are X—that’s your core wound showing.
No one cares as much as I do: You were raised to over-function and expect others to under-function.
Everyone flakes: You are subconsciously picking the ones who will.
No one follows through: You let them get away with it instead of setting hard lines.
Notice your most frequent complaint about staff, then ask:
Back in those hazy resources of memory, where did I first feel this? (Yeah, your first thought was the right one.)
3. Change the Relationship—or Let the Pattern Walk Out the Door.
If you’ve already hired into your traumas (who hasn’t?), no need to layoff the team. Let’s try to change the pattern first.
Start setting the boundaries you should have set from day one. They might step up and become the employees you needed all along.
Or they might bounce the second they realize they can’t run their usual playbook. Either way, you win.
Outside of your real babies, your business might be your most important baby in your whole entire life–so of course you’re going to eff it all up… just like every proud parent in history! 🎉
If every hire you make reinforces your worst beliefs about people, you don't have a hiring problem—you have a wiring problem.
Your subconscious patterning is running the show.
And now that you know, it's your turn to take control.
